Bitter Sweet

“.. so that’s what we’ve decided..”

When I heard those words, I didn’t know how to feel.

Happy? Glad?

Everything should be OK now right?

Sad? Disappointed?

But.. what about me?

I saw them off, perhaps for one of the last times – perhaps the past won’t matter anymore, perhaps it was just a stepping stone right?

It’s OK; I did what I could, I didn’t mind this, this is fine..

But could I really bring myself to think like that?

I clasped her hand and shook it.. warm.. small.. fragile..

“Hey, it’s going to be alright now, everything will be”

I tried to smile as I said it, I wanted to, but I couldn’t bring myself to mean it, what about me? It didn’t matter.. there is no me in this. It didn’t matter. What mattered was now.

Or so I wanted to think.

“.. are you going to be OK..?” she said back to me, with a worried look, tightening her grip.

“I’ll be fine, just.. take it easy.” I managed to pull a weak smile this time.

Take it easy..

Something I’ve been saying to push her along, to try help her along..

Take it easy..

Everything will be fine now.. right..

I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t help feeling empty.. sad.. a little bit disappointed and a whole-lot jealous.

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