Zodiac Diary

Let’s start a new section eh? I was flipping thru’ my shelf, and I found this diary I started writing in from last year around May – when things went to shit.

I thought.. before I pack this/chuck it, maybe I’d share it.

These diaries, each diary has a Chinese Zodiac infront, I think I have like 5.. dad probably used the rest or something.

This one is the Snake, because that’s my sign of ’89.

So.. without further adue, here we go..

*Name has been changed.

24/05/2008

I believe it’s time to start a dairy habit. First the snake book, as that is my Chinese Zodiac.

May.. it’s been a real rough month. Alot of realisations and tears, challenges and obstactles..

I’ve come to realise that maybe I’m not so strong afterall..

I don’t have the heart to tell mum yet about how long Rie* and I have been together.. but I’d think she’d understand why I was so upset if she knew.

Rie.. she’s an amazing person who I’ve only been dreaming of this whole week.. It’s so weird.. It’s not that I don’t think it will never end.. just never thought it would be this way.

Is it fair to keep believing and hoping she will re-develop the old feelings for me again?

Is it fair to want the FIRE to be relighted..?

Everyone deserves a second change right..?

I shall keep hoping..

– Ben Wang.

25/05/2008

Day 3 I believe..

Feeling a bit better.. but.. don’t know what is going to happen still..

So many unknowns..

.. I wish things didn’t have to change..

One more chance.. please..

– Ben Wang.

P.s. She’s so cute when she sleeps.. I want to be there forever.. I don’t think I have the strength to let go..

26/05/2008

Day 4, don’t know if it’s better.. cried myself to sleep last night. Tough love..

I wanna know how her thoughts are.. argh..

Where is she..

Work was boring, zz..

– Ben Wang.

P.s. I have a sudden feeling, things are going to be O~K.

27/05/2008

Day 5, things somewhat feel better.. Work today consisted of an ant infestation..

Can’t wait for this week to be over.

2 Assignments due and some fresh air..

Try to push thru’ I guess..

“20 minutes in the past, 20 minutes in the future..”

– Ben Wang.

02/06/2008

It was our 51st Month today..

I wonder if it counts?

I wonder how it’s looking for me..?

I have so many thoughts..

Must.. ignore =/.

I have to try reframe from talking first..

Sleep now I guess..

Help me thru, this week :(.

– Ben Wang.

21/06/2008

Been awhile,

Exams over, work almost..

Less pressure now.

I wish I knew what she’s thinking..

– Ben Wang.

And I’m afraid that concludes it.

Much like all my diary attempts, this one went to shit as well.

Well.. I can’t say it was a happy ending, otherwise I wouldn’t be sharing it like this now would I? ;].

But we have to move forward.. that’s how we are.. we can’t go backwards.. like I wrote before.. all we need in life is:

20 minutes in the past.. 20 minutes in the future..

The rest, is NOW. Because NOW is what matters.

I hope the next few months will be magical, surprising and happy – I have a good feeling this time.

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