I’m going to introduce a new Category for this.
In short, this is going to be a satirical response to all the non-Terran players crying “OP (overpowered)” at the moment. Quite frankly I am a bit annoyed at people slagging Terran players out for selecting Terran – why hate on the players and not the game?
Having said, please meet Tyrone Jackson the Marauder.
Kill Count: 4
Damn, I’m excited, just got back from my first day of action on the battlefield.
I gotta say, this suit is damn heavy – now I know how my brother felt when he was roastin’ Zerglings in his CMC-660 Firebat suit before he got melted by those blasted Roaches. Gotta hand it to the Dominion Armed Forces for realising that as humans we needed to keep improving; this improved 5-4 Amory Infantry Suit is sweet as – even still has the good ol’ stimpacks. Mm yeaaa gotta love those stimpacks.
It’s been too long since I’ve destroyed and I have been itching to do so. I was so excited on the field today skirmishing against those dumb Roaches.
The Commander has decided to stop using Reapers and Bunkers as much as ironically one of the fastest infantry units we have take too long to train and still use pistols. Hah, ya’ll can barely call those guns compared to the firepower these Quad K12 Punisher Grenader Launchers deal.
I’m not too sure what the Dominion Armed Forces are thinking, but as I was about to leave the Barracks I saw Jimmy sulking in the adjacent Factory. I couldn’t believe the shit he told me! Ya’ll check this, supposedly the Commander doesn’t want to use Jimmy and his Siege Tanks no mo’ because the Dominion has invented some new budget shells that make the tanks do less damage to naked and unarmored grubs! On second thoughts that Marines battalion gotta’ be celebrating – now our own dumb tanks will take two shells to explode our own men.. wait.. what the fuck? What about us Marauders?! We actually have armor to protect us! Aw hell, this shit is fucked up.
I felt for my brother, so I said to myself I’ll make sure I’ll grab some kills on his behalf.
The Zerg Swarm are so dumb, charging forward with only Zerglings and Roaches. But my man, Will, damn the poor sucker, he got his shit fucked by a bunch of Zerglings – looks like these Punisher Grenades aren’t too effective on those damn critters. Hell, I almost got my shit wrecked if it wasn’t for Jonas with his trusty C-14 Rifle. Poor sucker got melted by a damn Roach.
After the Zerglings were cleared out by the Marines force, the rest was up to us, the Marauder squad – damn this new technology is sweet; I only had to use my stimpack once! It was like bang, bang, boom, kaboooooom BABY! Just like that, 4 of those nasty things exploded, guts flying everywhere.
Theys must be gettin’ dumber or some shit, the last time I checked I thought the Roaches could burrow or some sneaky shit like that. Ah well, kills are kills.
Looks like I’m on my way to a sweet promotion very soon.
Hell ya’ll know what? Screw ’em Siege Tanks, give the spare gas to me.
This is Jackson, signing out, gonna go polish my babies.